Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
