Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
vagina is talking i cant
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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