can u get pink eye on your cock?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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