dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
