To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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