I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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