do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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