apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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