I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
