A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
