Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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