Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
