woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
