i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
