Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
