how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
as a side note pls kill me
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize