This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
