he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
