My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
