thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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