that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
