im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
