I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
