I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
