She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize