We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
