The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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