It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
