Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
