Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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