you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
