I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
