I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize