i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
