3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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