you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
