Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
