I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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