just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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