so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
