The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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