Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
