epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
