my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Welp...herpes.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize