i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
