Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
