Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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