Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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