I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
