Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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