Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
