He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
