Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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