I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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