he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
