Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
