I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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