Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
