I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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