my sisters under your porch take her home
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He better not be in your backpack
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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