how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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