Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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