Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
