i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The best revenge is premature balding
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize