my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
