4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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