I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
