it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
