Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
