it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
