sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
