New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
