Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
