Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
