Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize