I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
