Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize