Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
