He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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