I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
