Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
