Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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