sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
