That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
In other news, I just burned my penis
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
