i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
