I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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