mondays should just be called national damage control day
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
