why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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