you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
