She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
