i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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