Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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