OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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