We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize