I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize