you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
