I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
