Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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