god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
